Well it has been a while since the last post... We had another loss not long after Maggie passed on, the feral cat who was living at the smallest boys place since the big move was run over and made his way to kitty heaven.  He has been missed and his replacement is just as feral most of the time. We called him Smokie and he has been living with us for nearly 2 weeks now.

We also have 2 new additions to the family 2 white rabbits called Cuddles and Skittles.  They are just adorable and almost half the size of the dog already.  

The house renovations have been going slowly. In fact I haven't done much at all yet other then getting rid of the tree in the front yard.  That was an interesting adventure.  I decided to do it one weekend and had half of the neighbors taking a look at me, one actually got a large park bench type seat and dragged it into his driveway and watched me digging out the roots for quite some time.  I have been moving the furniture around quite a bit and I am finally happy with the lounge room most of the time and will be even more happier once the heater isnt needed.  I am hoping to have a revers cycle heater next winter.  Well its bed time now hopefully I can get back into a habit of writing again.

A sad goodbye to an old friend

Before there was the beagle, back in the days when I was freshly out of home and living with my ex husband I had another dog.  Her name was Maggie and she was a smithfield cross blue healer they are basically the same breed but the smithfields have no tan and are usually stumpy tailed dogs.  Maggie was the only pup in the litter born with a full tail. The pet shop up the road from our house at the time got her litter in and when I spotted the pups for sale I just had to have one, so I sat down in the pen and she was the pup that choose me.  She has been a part of my life since that day almost 12 years ago.  She sat beside me on the nights I lost my first two babies and watched me cry.  She was there at my feet while I was in labor with mister 6 and she was so protective of him when he finally arrived home from the hospital. She was there when I made the choice to end my marriage and yet again she watched me cry without judging.  She was my dog and even though it killed me I had to leave her when I left my husband and Queensland.  But even though she hasn't been with me for the last 3 years she has still been a part of my life and when ever I got the chance to I would say hi to her and give her lots of pats.  She passed away on wednesday evening and was laid to rest in my ex's back yard.   She was a lovely dog that will be sadly missed by me and mister 6.  I will hunt down a photo of her soon to put up with this post.

I am so glad I dont have to do that for a long time...

Moving sucks.  It rained on the day we moved and we had to move into a house with no power because some wanker didnt finish his job properly which meant I was sold a house with no power supply.. After 4 days and lots of phone calls and quite a bit of jumping up and down I now have power and a new hot water system.  

Everything is moved now I just have to sort things out.  It still hasnt quite sunk in that I own this place tho I did make my mark on it already and painted the numbers bright pink :) I have actually been telling people that I am testing out the colour to see if I want to paint the whole outside of the house that colour.. it gets some interesting reactions.  I still have to clean the other house which I am not looking forward to.

The boys seem to love the place and seem quite at home and the dog thinks its great that she can come inside and enjoys sleeping at my feet while I am on the lounge the cat isnt actually with us at the moment he has gone visiting to the dairy to catch some mice hopefully he stays there for a while as much as I miss him it is a lot quieter without him and there are a lot of other cats in this street so he may not like it here that much I would imagine he might be beaten to a pulp a lot.  

I am loving it here there is so much room in the kitchen and even my room is quite large and has lots of potential.  I would really love to be able to start decorating but I just cant afford to at the moment which is frustrating.  But damn I actually own this place... Its all mine..

Well I am now a home owner but as usual it doesn't quite go to plan...

I got the keys to my new home at 12.30 today.  I was so excited to go around there with mum my step dad and little bubba and I get around there only to discover that  there is no power on.  After 3 calls to the power company I was informed that the reason there is no power on is because there is so sort of lock on the power to stop squatters so off I trundle to the housing trust because they were who I purchased the property off.  A few conversations later someone lets me know I will be called shortly.    1 hour later a guy shows up at the house to tell me the reason there is no power is because they didn't connect the house up to the main power supply..  Long story short I have no power until at least Monday and I will be pushing to get it by then as well..  I really hope they get it sorted asap on Monday because I will be in a house with 2 young children and no bloody power which will not be fun at all we have no choice but to move this weekend... So stay tuned for some grumpy posts from me if they don't get it sorted soon

Never let fear hold you back from experiencing life

Because you never know what amazing things you might miss out on...

In November 2009 I made the decision to move over 2000km away from everything and everyone I knew. I was scared out of my mind and really had no idea what I was doing or why. I left everyone and everything that was safe and familiar behind on the promise of a job working for my father and a house to live in.  In May 2010 I was worried that I had made the wrong choice because my father ended up having to close the shop and I was left with out a job and place to live (they wanted to move back into their house). 

Now as I sit here I know that the choice I made was the right one. If I hadn't made that decision I would never have met the man who although not perfect is the right man for me, yeah we need some help sorting out where we stand most of the time but what we have works for us.  I also wouldn't have my gorgeous second little boy who along with his big brother makes life worth living every single day.  Since coming here I have made some amazing friends who spoiled me rotten on my birthday with a massage a set of acrylic nails and my best friend from high school who they managed to sneak into town.  They also tied me to a chair and blind folded me before leaving me alone in the lounge room with a man who they had me convinced was some random stripper turns out they had hacked my phone called my boyfriend and convinced him to pretend to be the stripper.  Without the support of these friends I wouldn't have found the courage to follow my dreams to become a teacher.  Nor would I have found the courage to try and buy my own home which I move into in 3 days time.  

My life isn't perfect but at the moment it is looking pretty darn good even with all of the problems that I still have to deal with daily.   If I had of left the fear of the unknown prevent me from experiencing some of the most amazing life changing events that I have experienced over the last 2.4 years.. I am really excited to see what happens next. 

Who is she?

She is the one who loves you...

She is the one who cries for you.....

She is the one that will always be there...

She is the one that pretends everything is ok....  

She is the one that will let you walk all over her...

She is the one that you will always regret letting go of....

She is the one that would have made your life perfect if you had of given her the chance..

Sunday afternoon boredom

Its Sunday afternoon and I am sitting here bored out of my brain.  So what do I do when bored on a sunday afternoon to avoid packing?  Watch Twilight of course.  Don't worry this isn't going to be a post about the awesomeness of Twilight...
I really should be packing.  I got what I thought was a lot done yesterday but looking at it again it doesn't really seem like all that much.  Its a very long slow process this packing stuff.  It probably doesn't help that I am sort through a lot of stuff and throwing out giving away the things we no longer want or need... Already I have given away about 4 bags of clothes that no longer fit the boys.  I gave away a few of my own too there is one box with  a dress in it that I am trying to decide on a future for.  Its my wedding dress.  Because I am in the process of getting divorced I really don't think I should be hanging onto it anymore.  It wouldnt matter if I was planning on wearing it again because its like 2 sizes too big for me now anyway.  So the question remains what does one do with a wedding dress they no longer want?? I could sell it but I am not too sure I would be comfortable with that so I am thinking I might end up giving it away.  The dress really is quite beautiful and deserves to be worn again and I kind of hope by giving it away who knows it might bring some positive energy my way and I might actually be able to have the kind of relationship I want with the guy I love....wishful thinking at its best.  Anyway I think that maybe it might be time for me to go and do some more packing..

My 31st birthday was....

Freaking awesome...  I really didnt know how the girls could top a pink cordless drill but they managed it.  How you ask?  Well they started off with surprising me at the school with my best friend of almost 17 years.  She had arrived in town the night before and spent the night at one of the girls house and they then managed to hide her and have her call me and then walk up behind me.  End result tears from Shannon.. They then took me for coffee and dropped me off at the salon where they had arranged an hour long massage and set of new nails which look awesome with the drill.  That was followed by sushi out the front of the kids school as they wanted to make the open day.  I didnt think the day could get better but they came around later that night and we had some drinks before they tied me to a chair and blind folded me, I really didnt know what to expect and if I had of taken a guess I would never have guessed what was to follow.  They left me in the lounge room tied to the chair in the company of the man who had been given instructions to put on a show for me and to remove the blind fold when he was ready to.  You can imagine my surprise when the man I loved was on the other side of the blind fold.  It seems they had hacked my phone stolen his number and called him and invited him to the party.  It was only after he had agreed to come did they decide to pretend they had organised a stripper.  All up it was a great day that ended perfectly.  I am very lucky to have so many awesome people in my life <3

What do you get a chick for her 31st birthday???

A bright pink cordless drill of course!  Especially if that chick is me.  Its my birthday tomorrow and my lovely friends are organizing something special for me but due to previous bad birthdays I am a bit weary of what is going to happen.  I really hate my birthdays and would rather just skip over them, I didn't even want to tell my oldest boy that it was my birthday but the girls managed to make sure that he knows.  I guess the thing I really don't want to think about this year is that the one person that I want to make me feel special wont even remember.  I guess the fact is he set the standard too high 2 years ago without even realising it though one has to wonder just how bad a birthday has to be that decorating a shop brought cake with snakes and candles could possibly be classed as setting the standards too high but if you had of had half of my birthdays then you could totally understand it.  It could be easy for you to say I am being over dramatic but really between my parents forgetting my birthday no parties between the ages of 5 and 18 and having 3 people who were apart of my life died on or a few days before my birthday its kind of hard to get excited about what is supposed to be the one day you are special when you have never been made to feel overly special in the past.   I guess its easier in my case to have low expectations that way I wont be so disappointed in the end.  I don't think I will be disappointed tomorrow but that doesn't make me overly enthused about it happening.

I really don't care if you need to pee....

But I do care that you felt the need to stand in front of my bedroom window at 11 pm and share it with the town at the top of your lungs.  I especially care that in doing so you woke my baby up!  If you feel the need to do it again I will be throwing his shitty nappies at your head and trust me I won't miss! 

I am well and truly over the loud mouthed drunks that walk past the house at all hours heading to the servo to find food to help them sober up.  One more month that's all I have to put up with it for and then it will be someone else's problem.  It has been somewhat interesting living here over the past 19 months that's for sure.  I even had to call the police to remove a dunk in a tux that was asleep on my front steps.  The really funny thing is I will probably miss all of the drama, although I get the feeling that the new neighbor hood wont exactly be quite either but it shouldn't be as bad.  But its late and I have to get the big boy up for school in the morning so should go drag my bum off to bed.

So it looks like we are going to be moving soon...

On the 2nd of march we are going to be picking up the keys to our new home.  And its going to be ours!!! Today I got the pre approval for the home loan to buy a house.  I am ever so happy.  I can't believe that the boys and I are going to be owning our very own house.  Its not the flashest house in the world but it will be ours.  I can't wait to get into painting and decorating it to make my mark on it.  I already have so many fantastic ideas and can see that I will be doing a lot of painting and handyman jobs over the next year or so.  Mister 5 is even more excited then me I think he has all these plans for his bedroom and has already picked his room out luckily it is the one that I had planned on him having.  The best part is the boys will even have their own toy room as there is a small 'sunroom' that we can use as a play room for them that means no more or well very few toys on the floor in the bedroom and the lounge room something that currently annoys me.  So I expect that over the next year there will be lots of blogs about my painting adventures and any other from of renovations that may take place once we move in.  OOOOOH I have never been this excited in my life...
Here is our house

Its that time of night again..

Waring this is going to be a woe is me entry....
This is the time of night that I find hard as a single mum....its the moments following the children going off to sleep when it would be nice to sit on the sofa and snuggle with someone and have an uninterrupted  adult conversation.  I guess its some what harder as there is a special someone that I would like sitting beside me on the sofa but for various reasons its just not possible.  I wish at times that we could sort things out and go back to what we used to have..it wasn't perfect or even normal but it was good and a beautiful little boy is proof of that.  I am not really sure what happened but something did and as a result things are complicated.  Its not that I want it all I was happy not living with him and just spending weekends with him doing things and enjoying each others company but even that doesn't happen all that often.  Mostly I just find myself missing him and wishing I could be with him but still finding myself alone.  We have tried ending things completely but it doesn't last long.  I really can't work out why he still keeps coming back its not like he couldn't get someone else because he can.  I don't know I just can't seem to work men out they never know what they do or don't want these days.
So long story short I am feeling lonely and missing the man that I love and more then anything else at the moment I wish that I could be wrapped up in his arms watching something stupid and pointless on the tv but more so I guess that I wish that I could tell him that I miss him.............

You know your a moody bitch when...

Your contemplating stabbing yourself in the face with a rusty fork....OMG even I am annoyed at how moody I am at the moment.  Its a combination of lack of sleep, the messed up weather (hot one day freezing the next), misbehaving children and the side affects of the stupid contraception I am now on.   If my mood doesn't improve in the next few weeks with cooler weather and more sleep then I will be having the damn little rod removed from my arm otherwise I might just have to slap myself silly or worse.  The last time that I was this moody was when I was trying to get pregnant with mister 5 and was taking very large doses of clomid which is a fertility drug.  I find it somewhat amusing that once getting pregnant was something I had to work really hard for now its something that I have to prevent.  Its funny how life works sometimes.  I prefer the latter though as it meas that if and when I do decide to have another child I know it wont be so hard (well I hope that it wont).  Anyway i really should feed the fur babies and get my backside into bed I plan on sleeping in and pity the person that tries to wake me before 9 am...It wont be pretty......

My Pussy has no street credit!

The feral cat has been getting his ass whipped by a cat that is half his size which I am pretty sure is actually female... Its quite sad really, watching him cower on the front patio with his tail all bushy and his heckles up scared and howling like a baby while this tiny little girly looking cat takes swipes at him.  As soon as I open the door to try and sort it out he comes racing in and hides behind the safety of my skirt (well he would if I wore one) and then as soon as she is gone he whines to go back out just so he can sit there and wait for her to come back and have another go at him...I think it might be time to take him to the vet and have his testicles removed because he is obviously never going to actually use them...Really why is it the males I seem to pick lack one thing or another I cant even seem to pick a decent cat these days...